Parenthood: "This is why people who have kids, don't have nice things"

I thought it would be fun to start a little series about life lessons of parents-in-training.
You know, all the things you learn along the way as you raise kids.
Zac & I are only 10 weeks deep into parenthood, but we've learned quite a few lessons already.  Some lessons that people have even warned us about, but our naive selves thought, naww, that won't happen to us...

And then it does.



So, without further adieu, I give you Parenthood Lesson #1: People who have kids, don't have nice things...

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It's 2:10 am.  Ellis is 3 weeks old.  Zac & I are both operating on fumes.  Restful sleep isn't even in our vocabulary any more -- at this point, we're thankful for a 20 minute cap nap.

Anyways, I am up to nurse Ellis.  All is fine and well, when I hear a bubbly fart come from his nether regions.  It sounded juicy and messy.  Ugh, I figured I'd better change him ASAP so it didn't run up his back.  I set him on his changing table, got a new diaper out and a couple wipes.  Upon opening his diaper, I quickly realized this was going to be at least a 4 wipe job.  How does so much poop come out of such a little body?  As I'm getting more wipes out, if that little bugger doesn't start to pee... and we're talking a shooting, Bellagio-like Fountain of pee... on me, down the wall, on the changing pad... that stream of urine even managed to arch over him, and onto his brand new rocker that my parents purchased for his nursery.

I'm covered in pee.  An open shit diaper is now face down on the changing pad.  And, I noticed Ellis also spit up a large amount of breastmilk that rolled down his chin and neck and the back of his head is soaked.  GREAT. Just freaking great.  At this point I yelled, "ZACCC!  I NEED HELP IN HERE!"  Ellis needed a complete wipe down and outfit change.  I needed a complete outfit change.  And the entire room needed to be cleaned.  I started to cry.

I glance to my left, and notice his urine sprayed all over the rocking chair.  It was the rocker I was so glad to have too, because it was something a little different and more modern than the typical glider-rocker that so many nursery's adorn.  A chair that I thought could actually incorporate into our living room furniture one day.... yeah.  Right.  Ten weeks into parenthood, and that rocker has more leaked breastmilk, spit up, drool, and pee on it than I even care to admit.  We do clean every mess, but.  It's just not the same.

After we finally got everything and everyone cleaned up, Zac says, "Well Kate, this is why people who have kids, don't have nice things."  

TRUE THAT.  Lesson learned.

So glad we decided to wait on new flooring.


P.S.  Happy Birthday to Papa Randy today!

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